


Slipping Away

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone suffered loss in the war, and some losses continue far after it's over and done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slipping Away

The stars.

Somehow, after all this time and everything she’d done, it might have seemed strange that she still loved to look up at the stars. For so many years, that black abyss with its glittering gems had been her world, and she’d fought hard to keep it intact.

The subtle cloud of her breath obstructed the view every now and again as she stared skyward, but she was otherwise completely content. Scarred, sore, and eternally exhausted as she was, she was also happy.

Shepard turned her head to get a good look at the one who was always around when she was feeling most fulfilled, only to realize that Kaidan wasn’t looking up at the stars like she had been. He was staring at her. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, since they’d won the war with the Reapers he often seemed flabbergasted that she’d survived. Hell, she was, too.

This was a different sort of stare, however. Where usually there was admiration, thankfulness, and love, there was a tinge of something darker coloring his features, and it set her nerves on edge.

“Are you okay? Is something bothering you?”

Kaidan tore his gaze from her and stared straight ahead for a moment. His heavy sigh escaped him as a billowing cloud of warm moisture on cool air.

“You didn’t say much at dinner, either. What’s wrong?” There was subtle concern in her tone. These weren’t the signs that she’d long ago learned to recognize when he had a headache. He had a certain look about him when he was angry or irritated. This didn’t appear to be anything like what she’d sometimes encountered with him before. He looked almost… mournful.

His eyes dropped to the ground, his jaw tightening as he thought. He offered no explanation.

“Hey,” Shepard reassured him, turning to face him fully. “You can talk to me about anything, you know.”

She placed her cold fingers along his jaw to lift his gaze to meet hers. Kaidan reached up and pressed her hand to his warm cheek, offering an apologetic smile. He cleared his throat, a gesture that sent gentle tremors down her arm. “I need to ask something, but I don’t want you to get upset,” came his quiet answer.

Her head tilted quizzically in response, unsure of what to expect. She hadn’t witnessed him being bashful about anything in the last few years, so it struck her as peculiar to see it now. Still, something was obviously bothering him and she had every intention of helping to calm his mind. She took a step, closing what little distance there had been between them, letting her hand slide down from the side of his face to his chin. She slowly pressed her lips to his, taking all the time she dared to show him what he meant to her. There was nothing to rush them along, no orders to carry them to distant worlds, or imminent threats to their lives any longer.

When she did finally pull away, the look on his face nearly broke her heart. He seemed so indescribably sorrowful that she was momentarily at a loss for what she should do to help. Eventually, she simply opted to wrap her arms tightly around him and press her head to his chest as a show of comfort, understanding, and love. She felt his arms curl around her, too, and he smoothed her hair down, pulling her closer.

“How did we meet?”

Shepard wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to the question. She chuckled lightly before asking, “what, like my take on the events? Or–”

“No. Just… how?” Kaidan interrupted. Only then did it register to her that his hands had begun to shake. “I realized earlier today that I can’t quite remember the moment. But I should know. It feels like it’s just… right _there_ … but I can’t visualize it. I was there. I should know.”

There was a tinge of despair in his voice that made her chest ache. She remained silent for some time as she considered what he was really saying. It wasn’t some mere detail that he’d overlooked through an expanse of years. This had been an important event that he’d held dear, as did she. He’d forgotten.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” he said as his hand rubbed across her back. He must have heard her sniffling as she failed to fight back her tears.

Shepard remembered, rather regretfully, the words of Dr. Karin Chakwas. She’d warned that human biotics already had a difficult lot in life, and Kaidan’s case was more delicate than most. The potential damage done to his brain by his implant was difficult to measure or predict. Compounded by blunt force trauma suffered on Mars years after her initial warning, there was no telling how much it might complicate his life down the road. Suddenly, those dangers and consequences were becoming all too real.

He deserved better. Tears had begun to spill uninhibited down her scarred cheeks. He deserved to live in peace and comfort, to grow old and crotchety and content with his life. He’d worked so hard to be a good man, to save humanity and the galaxy, despite all the challenges and pain he’d been saddled with from a young age. He didn’t deserve to lose what little he had left, his own thoughts and memories.

“It’ll come back to me. I’m sure it will,” he whispered as his chin rested atop her head. “I didn’t want to upset you.” She could tell that despite his hopeful words, he was equally disturbed by what was happening to his mind. Knowing him, he’d probably been experiencing little signs of affliction for a while, but only now became brave or concerned enough to say anything about it.

“No. No, it’s okay,” Shepard pulled back and scrubbed the tears from her face. Despite the words, her huffed, shuddering breaths were only emphasized by the erratic frozen cloud forced from her lips. She tried to gather her wits quickly and respond with surety. It was nothing new for Commander Shepard to think on her feet and come up with an answer, after all.

His normally broad, confident stance had slipped. His shoulders hunched almost as though he was curling in on himself. It was a show of distress that she hadn’t witnessed much in the past. A fierce feeling of protectiveness grew in her chest, and she knew she had to be the pillar of strength for him that he’d always been for her. Through much of the war and her recovery in the aftermath, he’d been by her side, sometimes literally supporting her and helping her to take small steps. Now it was her chance to return the favor.

She held his jaw firmly between her chilled hands, then fervently kissed his forehead, his nose, and his mouth. Certainly, he could probably taste the tears on her lips, but he still smiled at the animated gesture.

Shepard stood back, taking his hands in hers, hoping that she was doing enough to reassure him. They could get through anything together.

“So let me tell you a story…”


End file.
